The Marvels is shaping up to be the Disney Grooming Syndicate’s latest in a long line of box office flops, according to Box Office Pro.
Based on a whole lot of factors, Box Office Pro predicts The Marvels will open between $50-$75 million domestic and ultimately gross just $121 to $189 million.
How bad is that? That’s Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer bad. That’s Black Adam bad. That’s Eternals bad.
That sucker cost $275 to produce, which doesn’t include promotion costs.
Because Disney is more interested in woke propaganda than profits, the studio dumped nearly $300 million to produce The Marvels, a direct sequel to Captain Marvel (2019) featuring one the most unappealing, sexless, humorless, and dull superheroes since Miracle Man.
The Walt Disney Company Executive Vice President, Head of Theatrical Distribution, Tony Chambers speaks about the upcoming film “The Marvels” during the Walt Disney Studios presentation during CinemaCon, the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners, at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace on April 26, 2023 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
For those of you unaware of Miracle-Man, he was a superhero I dreamt up as a 12-year-old, and like Captain Marvel, he could do anything and had no weaknesses. However, unlike Captain Marvel, Miracle-Man was interested in sex because I was kind of a creepy 12-year-old.
Hey, let’s drop $300 million into a movie starring…Brie Larson.
I have a better idea: let’s drop $300 million into a movie starring Brie Larson and the star of that streaming show everyone hated, Ms. Marvel.
Oh, man, that will bring our DEI score up to at least a million!
Let’s make one of them a lesbian!
Two million!
Guy In Corner: But what about the box office?
Shut up, Nazi!
People will argue that Captain Marvel (2019) made $427 million domestic and $1.13 billion worldwide.
Come on.
No one went to see Captain Marvel to see Captain Marvel. Captain Marvel was dropped dead in the middle of Avengers: Infinity War (2018) and Avengers: Endgame (2019). Marvel fever was at an all-time pitch. It couldn’t lose. Let me see if I can help make sense of how out of touch this Disney is…
Back in the day, NBC knew how this worked. If a show took off because it was scheduled on Thursday nights right after Friends, you couldn’t pretend that show was a hit. NBC never would’ve dropped $25 million (much less $275 million) into a sequel to Caroline in the City, Suddenly Susan, Veronica’s Closet, or The Single Guy.
Disney’s contempt for its idiot stockholders is really something to watch… The company controls the greatest brands and franchises in movie history: Pixar, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Marvel… And what has it done to those brands? Woke-raped them so that humorless, sexless, mouthy girlbosses and fetishists can emasculate our iconic heroes.
Between the production budget and promotional costs, The Marvels will probably have to clear $750 million worldwide just to break even. And I hope that in the coming weeks, you will join me as I point and laugh at its slow, agonizing, and well-deserved box office death as it assumes its rightful place on the ash heap of woketardery.
And maybe, just maybe, if we’re real good children, Santa Box Office will deliver another Disney Grooming Syndicate cinematic catastrophe two weeks later with Wish.
Dare to dream, my friends… Dare to dream.
John Nolte’s debut novel Borrowed Time is available to order, including Kindle and Audible. Amazon reviews are appreciated and helpful.
