Bad Boys: Ride or Die is blowing the doors off the weekend box office with a projected $52 million domestic opening.
What.
What?
Huh?
But-but-but they told me streaming was killing the movies.eeeeeee
But-but-but they told me the pandemic took people out of the habit of going to the movies.
But-but-but they told me the strike killed the box office.
So how in the world did the fourth movie in a 30-year-old franchise starring The Slapper overperform to a $52 million opening?
Tell me how.
Under present conditions, this is imposs—
Wait.
WAIT!
Could it be—stay with me here—that this year’s box office slump has nothing to do with streaming, the pandemic and the strike?
No, no, no… That’s something I can hardly wrap my head around. Why, such a diabolical thought would make fools out of America’s box office Experts. Such a thought would prove them liars and sycophants and palace guards and bootlickers for a bunch of multinational corporations called The Studios. That’s not possible. No child lies in bed at night and dreams of licking a fascist corporation’s boots … or … do they?
Oh, they do.
So what did Bad Boys: Ride or Die do right? It did what the movies did for a hundred years before the Woke Gestapo took over the industry… Ride or Die promised to entertain. Ride or Die told Normal People it was a Normal Move. Ride or Die has actual movie stars. Ride or Die sold itself as cool guys doing cool stuff around hot chicks. No gay shit. No lectures. No scolding. Just laughs, movie star charisma, car chases, and sweeping Bay-esque drone shots.
Remember all the excuses about why Mad Max Starring a Sexless Girlboss, AKA Furiosa, just tanked? Besides the laughable lies about the pandemic, strike, and streaming, we were told this: Well, what do you expect? Mad Max was never a very popular franchise to begin with.
Bear with me while I debunk that load of sycophant bullshit.
In 2015, the “not-very-popular” Mad Max: Fury Road opened to $45.4 million and went on to gross $154 million domestic and $380 million worldwide.
In 2020, Bad Boys for Life opened to $62 million and went on to gross $206 million domestic and $426 million worldwide.
Accounting for five years of inflation, in 2020 dollars, Fury Road opened to $50 million and went on to gross $168 million domestic and $415 million worldwide.
So, according to The Science, and using 2020 dollar for 2020 dollar, the Bad Boys franchise is only a tiny bit more popular than the Mad Max franchise. And yet…
Bad Boys: Ride or Die is overperforming to a $52 million opening, while Mad Max Starring a Sexless Girlboss opened to half that—half that!—at $26 million.
But-but-but it’s not a very popular franchise, The Experts told me.
I’m not saying making a hit movie is easy, but the formula for a hit movie is stupidly simple: give the public what they want, and what they want in a summer blockbuster is cool guys doing cool stuff around hot chicks. What they don’t want is a sexless girlboss with the body of a ten-year-old boy running around fighting the patriarchy.
I will say this… I think Bad Boys: Ride or Die overpeformed for the same reasons Top Gun: Maverick, Spider-Man: No Way Home, Sound of Freedom, and Oppenheimer overperfomed—because after five-plus years of the Woke Terror removing fun and humanity from the movies, Normal People are dying to go to the movies. Normal People miss going to the movies. And Bad Boys: Ride or Die looks like a non-woke, non-gay, appealing, good-time-movie made for Normal People.
John Nolte’s first and last novel, Borrowed Time, is winning five-star raves from everyday readers. You can read an excerpt here and an in-depth review here. Also available in hardcover and on Kindle and Audiobook.
