A guide to navigating one the most challenging parts of wedding planning with your partner
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One of the earliest steps you’ll want to take in the wedding planning process is putting together your guest list, or at least a rough draft of one.
Before you begin looking at venues, you’ll need to have an idea of the size of your wedding to ensure you’re not wasting time looking at venues that simply aren’t able to accommodate your guests.
Once you have your rough outline, you can then get into creating a more concrete list.
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Formulating a guest list can be a really stressful part of wedding planning.
There’s inevitably going to be people upset that they aren’t invited to the wedding who may or may not share their dissatisfaction with you.
How do you decide who is going to be on the guest list for your wedding day? This guide is full of tips and considerations to keep in mind when putting together your wedding guest list. (iStock)
At the end of the day, who comes to your wedding is a decision between you and your partner. How far the guest list extends is a judgment you have to work out together.
Below are four tips to remember as you are composing your wedding guest list.
- Consider your budget
- Create a "can’t get married without" list
- Then, make a list of "maybes"
- Don’t forget about plus ones and kids
1. Consider your budget
Before you write down any names, you need to know what your budget is.
One factor that is going to drastically change the cost of your wedding is how many people there are attending.
Therefore, before you consider who’s invited, you need to know how much you have to spend.
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Once you have a budget, you can decide how you want to allocate the funds.
One of the earliest steps in wedding planning is coming up with your budget. That way, you know how many people you can afford to invite. (iStock)
While the budget is a huge deciding factor in the size of your wedding, so is your preference. Talk out your vision with your partner. Do you want a small, but luxurious nuptials? Do you want to have a larger wedding, but possibly scale back on other expenses to make it happen?
Have open communication with your partner about the type of event you want and can afford.
2. Create a ‘can’t get married without’ list
To start your guest list, jot down the people that you cannot imagine getting married without. These are the people that you 100%, without a doubt, are going to invite to your big day.
Once both you and your spouse do this, you’ll be left with your minimum number of attendees — but keep in mind, this will probably not be your final count.
From this list, you can also discuss who you plan on choosing for your wedding party, if you decide to have bridesmaids and groomsmen at your wedding.
3. Then, make a list of ‘maybes’
It sounds a bit harsh, but you’ll also want to create a list of "maybes."
When you are making this list, write down anyone and everyone you would even consider inviting to your wedding.
This could be distant cousins, friends you aren’t extremely close with, co-workers, etc.
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Also, recognize that when you announce your engagement, you’re probably going to hear from people sharing their congratulations that you haven’t talked with in a while.
The first draft of your guest list should include people that you can't imagine your wedding without. Once you have that number, you can create a list of more people that could potentially be invited to your wedding. (iStock)
Don’t feel any pressure to invite the old high school friend who popped up on your phone to say congrats.
Your wedding is a day for you, your spouse and all the ones you love to celebrate your marriage. Don’t feel pressure to invite people who you haven’t spoken to in years.
In the same breath, if you and your spouse are having difficulty with your guest list, more in terms of how deep into the family tree you’re going to go, consulting your parents for advice isn’t a bad idea.
Once you have this list, you may decide you have more room to move select guests onto your main guest list right away. Others will remain as a maybe.
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These "maybe" guests are people you could decide to invite in the case that someone on your primary guest list can’t make it.
4. Don’t forget about plus ones and kids
Once you have your core guest list, you’ll need to think about plus ones and kids.
For plus ones, there are tons of different approaches people take. Some couples go with the "no ring, no bring" idea, meaning if the invited guest is not married, they don’t get a plus one.
Others have a bit more leniency with plus ones, and they’ll allow an invited guest to bring one, as long as they are in a serious relationship with their plus one.
Some people have no plus ones at all. Whoever is written on the invitation is who is invited to the wedding.
When putting together your wedding guest list, don't forget to consider any plus ones and kids. (iStock)
No matter what method you take, plus ones can cause drama. Someone may really want to bring someone and be frustrated if they don’t get a plus one based on the guidelines you decided on.
The specifications around plus ones can also get murky. For example, if you give someone a plus one to use on someone they have a serious relationship with, but they break up before your big day, what happens then? Do they get to bring someone else, or is their plus one revoked?
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Do you give plus ones to friends that may not know many guests at the wedding, even if there’s a likely chance you won’t be familiar with the plus one they bring?
It’s a tricky situation. Talk it through with your partner and decide what approach works best for you.
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It’s also helpful to write your plus one policy on your website, just in case people need further clarification.
Kids are another factor you’ll need to keep in mind at your wedding. Some opt for a child-free event, which keeps it simple in terms of the guest list. If you’re going to allow kids at your wedding, make sure you add them to your guest list.
Whether your wedding will include kids is another important question to answer on your wedding website.
When it finally comes time to address your invitations, be explicitly clear about who is invited. No matter how clear you are, you’re probably still going to get messages from someone asking if they have got a plus one, or if their child can come.
Having those questions answered on your wedding website can help lower the amount of calls coming your way.
Ashlyn Messier is a writer for Fox News Digital.
