Man says he's being barred from wedding reception because he won't be back from cruise in time to make ceremony
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A Reddit user who was told he cannot go to a wedding reception if he misses the ceremony should not buy a gift for the bride and may want to reconsider his friendship with the woman in question, other users advised.
"AITA for not getting a wedding gift?" asked user "Cheap_Commercial_131" in a recent post on the website's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit.
In the post, the man said that one of his "closest friends" is getting married, but he is not permitted to attend the wedding reception.
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"I am happy for her, but I also feel hurt that I'm not allowed to come to the wedding reception," he wrote — as he will be flying back from a European cruise and will arrive too late for the ceremony.
"She said that her wedding planner says I can't show up since there is a possibility that I'll miss the ceremony," he also said.
The bride in the wedding drama (not pictured) told a friend that her wedding planner said he could not attend the reception if he missed the ceremony. (iStock)
The man said that he's supported the bride financially in the past, and "she expects a great gift from me as she knows I have money."
He added, "But I feel like she shut the door on me, not making an exception or fighting to have me there. I will [be] flying back from the opposite corner of the earth and driving two hours to where it's being held, and she just brushed off the journey it will take me to get there for her."
The bride said, "You're gonna miss out," according to Cheap_Commercial_131.
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"So I feel like I shouldn't have to get her a gift of any sort, since it seems she doesn't even want me there," he said.
The man raised other concerns about the pair's friendship, as "she never let me meet any of her family, friends or anyone" despite the fact that "we used to hang out all the time."
The man who shared his story (not pictured) asked others on social media to weigh in on whether he would be wrong about not wanting to buy an expensive gift for the wedding of a friend who banned him from the reception. (iStock)
"I don't even think she ever mentioned me to anyone, and we [have been] close friends for over three years," he said. "The other male in our friend group got to meet all her friends and family and always got mentioned to other[s] — but with me, it was different."
"I think she is embarrassed of me."
"I think she is embarrassed of me, which is why she isn't trying to get me to go or allowing me to go," he also wrote.
Also, despite being friends with the bride, he has only met her husband-to-be one time "for 10 minutes in an airport."
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"Every time I go back home and ask to go to dinner or something with them, she makes lame excuses," he said. "Which adds on to all this. So AITA for not wanting to give her a gift?"
In an update to the post, Cheap_Commercial_131 wrote that he was going to "hold my ground" and see if the bride asked about the wedding gift.
In the post, the Reddit user said he'd previously financially supported the bride and that she expects a "great gift" from him at her wedding. (iStock)
"If she does, I'll push back with a lot of the responses y'all posted saying that she made no effort to allow me there, and why would I get a gift [for] a wedding I'm not invited to, and so on," he wrote.
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"I'm curious myself, hence why I'm gonna wait this out to see," he wrote.
Fox News Digital reached out to Cheap_Commercial_131 for further updates.
An etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the excuses given by the bride were suspicious and that the man may want to reexamine his relationship with her.
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"Most brides impart their vision and insist on their must-haves, using the wedding planner as a mere service, occasionally listening to their suggestions," Rosalinda Randall, a California-based etiquette expert, told Fox News Digital in an email.
The man should "consider the possibility that his friend is either weak or hiding something," Randall said.
"It sounds like a monetary deposit to her account or an expensive gift is preferred over his presence."
"I tend to lean toward the latter; she's hiding you," she said.
Randall told Fox News Digital that she believes the man is being viewed as a "sugar daddy" by the bride and not as a genuine friend.
"It sounds like a monetary deposit to her account or an expensive gift is preferred over his presence," she said.
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If he wants to stay friends with the woman, he should "select a modest gift from their registry" and send it with his best wishes, she said.
Other options, Randall said, are simply to RSVP "not attending" with no explanation or gift, or say he is not attending and add the note, "My gift to you is not making you pay back the financial support I provided."
Rosalinda Randall, an etiquette expert in California, told Fox News Digital that the man should not feel obligated to send a nice gift – or any gift at all. (Rosalinda Randall)
But while it is "spiteful," Randall said, it is "not untrue."
She noted, "This may be read by the wedding planner or groom. She'll have some explaining to do."
Reddit users largely agreed with Randall's sentiment, saying that not only is the man not wrong for not wanting to send a gift, but he should also end their friendship.
"NTA — she is NOT your friend," Reddit user "Comfortable-Sea-2454" said in the top upvoted comment. This person also said the wedding planner excuse was malarkey.
"If she wanted you there, you would be able to attend whatever part of the celebrations you were able to," the user said.
Reddit users were nearly unanimous in saying that the man should not send a nice gift for the wedding – and that the bride was not really his friend. (iStock)
Others concurred.
"Save your time and money and don't attend. This person is not your friend. Wedding planners do what the bride wants. Not the other way around," user "RMaua" said in another top comment.
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"I'm sorry to tell you that you were used in the hope of having an expensive gift," user "000-Hotaru_Tomoe" said.
"There are better ways and better people out there to spend your time and money with."
Christine Rousselle is a lifestyle reporter with Fox News Digital.
