Husband said wife's behavior got their child kicked out of 2 day care centers — he's worried about what's next
A man on Reddit who said he would force his wife to quit her job to look after their child if the family was kicked out of another day care center was completely right to do so, said others on the platform — and to date, some 3,700 people have commented on the story.
A recent post on Reddit's "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit was entitled, "AITA for saying my wife will have to quit her job if we get booted from another day care?"
A Reddit user by the name of "Spirited_Block_6783" claimed his wife's antics had resulted in their three-year-old daughter being removed from two separate day care facilities.
"Both of us work and Alexis has attended day care since she was 1," wrote Spirited_Block_6783 about his daughter.
His wife, he said, is a "micromanager" — she has "a lot of anxiety and worries about our daughter."
He also wrote, "She hates it when she gets even a little upset. She's in therapy and working on it," he added of his wife.
A man was fed up with his wife's behavior after their daughter had to leave two different day care centers due to the wife's actions. He told her she would have to quit her job to care for their daughter if the daughter was asked yet again to leave another day care center. (iStock)
When the child first went to day care, the man said his wife "would constantly watch the live feed and call the day care multiple times a day."
"We had several talks about it and the school talked to us twice. My wife ended up screaming at one of the teachers and then the director," wrote the man. "We were terminated immediately."
Spirited_Block_6783 said his wife began therapy when their daughter was enrolled in her second day care, but "was still so nervous and had a complaint every single day."
He added that his wife has been diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, but did not wish to take medication for it.
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Regarding the wife's complaints, the man wrote, "These were not important things, small things like she saw another child took a toy from Alexis and she would cry. The teacher would give the toy back to Alexis, but my wife didn’t understand why the other child wasn’t punished for it," he said.
And while this day care did not outright remove the daughter, they "did eventually suggest that this may not be the best program for us."
The man wrote, "I knew my wife had burned bridges and was becoming ‘one of those moms.'"
The man wrote that his wife had "bombarded" day care workers with texts and complaints even when they told her not to do so. (iStock)
For their daughter's third day care center, the man wrote that he and his wife "chose a smaller home day care" as they could not afford any of the other centers.
"The woman who owns it is very nice but also firm. She stands by her boundaries and won’t let my wife break any rules, whereas the centers were definitely more accommodating," he said.
"My wife would take any inch she got. This time, she doesn’t get that opportunity. I thought all was well as the owner only speaks to my wife for the most part."
"I said this was our last option for day care."
This, however, was not entirely the case.
Spirited_Block_6783 wrote that he was added to a group text chat with the owner, who said that his wife was "bombarding the owner with texts every day, despite the owner saying she will text her at lunch when things are settled."
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In an edit to the post, Spirited_Block_6783 explained he cannot be the day care's primary contact as he is not permitted to have his phone on him while at work.
The owner of the day care said that "at this point, she will only be responding at specific times of the day and not looking [during] the rest," he wrote. "The owner then added sent several pages of the contract with passages highlighted, reminding us of certain policies my wife had violated."
This revelation made the man very angry, he wrote, so he had a talk about it with his wife after they put their daughter to bed.
The man wrote that the family had no other options for child care if his daughter was removed from her current day care facility. (iStock)
"I said this was our last option for day care. The other centers are too expensive and this was the only home day care in the area that we like," he said, adding that a nanny was "not in our budget."
"My wife made a million excuses, including that it’s not her fault she’s anxious," which prompted the man to state that if they were removed from this day care, his wife would have to quit her job to take care of their young child.
"This upset my wife. I pointed out I’ve spoken to her kindly about this plenty of times," he said.
"I encourage her to keep up her therapy," he added. "But she can’t keep getting us kicked out of programs. My wife is now not speaking to me."
"Stress can be managed," said one psychologist, but "it is up to the parents to learn these skills."
A psychologist told Fox News Digital that the wife's behavior was concerning — and that her stress may impact their daughter in more ways than just where she attends day care.
"The truth is our anxiety and stress spills over to our children. Young children mirror how we cope. Our parental stress has a direct impact on young children’s development," said Dr. Michele Borba, an educational psychologist and parenting expert based in Palm Springs, California.
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And while "stress can be managed," it is up to the parents to learn these skills, she said.
"Change is possible — at any stage in our lives. We can learn to cope," said Borba. "But change starts with recognizing the need to do so."
She added, "Change takes time and consistency."
To better manage her constant anxiety about her young daughter, a wife and mother needs to stay away from her computer and phone during the day, one psychologist recommended. (Neil Godwin/Future via Getty Images)
"An outside medical authority — her doctor or minister, or someone she trusts besides the therapist (unless she has trust with him/her) — must convince her that her behavior is damaging her child (as well as her marriage)," said Borba.
"Dad at this point cannot do so — the conversations are ruining the marriage."
Although there is no "cookie cutter" treatment for anxiety and depression, it could be helpful for the wife to discern what exactly is making her so anxious, the psychologist noted.
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"Then Mom can learn to tune into her behavior and step back," she said.
Meanwhile, the wife "must step back from any contact with any day care," said Borba. "No phone/text/computer in her presence."
Others on Reddit largely agreed with Borba's sentiments.
People on Reddit overwhelmingly said the husband and dad was not wrong for saying his wife would have to quit her job to take care of their child if the same problems continued to play out. (iStock)
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
Users can "upvote" good replies and "downvote" those they do not find helpful.
Spirited_Block_6783's post to date has received 26,000 reactions and 3,700 responses, with most people saying that he was NTA in this situation — and that his wife needed to make strides in her mental health before she destroyed her relationships with her husband and daughter.
Another user said the more appropriate description for the wife in this case was "steamroller."
"To keep it 100% honest with you, 20 years down the line, your daughter is going to hate your wife and there’s a high chance she will not be part of your lives," said Reddit user "Practical_Purple3158" in the top-upvoted response.
"Your wife is the exact definition of a toxic helicopter parent. She’s going to not only ruin your life (already in that process) — [but] your daughter's life in the future and her own life," the same user added.
Another user said the more appropriate description for the wife in this case was "steamroller," rather than helicopter.
People on Reddit were overwhelmingly in support of a user who told his wife she would have to quit her job if the family was kicked out of yet another day care center due to her "harassing" actions toward day care workers. (iStock)
"She will steamroll any and all challenges their daughter will ever face, making sure that their daughter is either terrified of the world or completely incapable of dealing with any kind of disappointment/challenge or both," wrote user "aimeec3."
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This same commenter also said that the man "needs to do something now if he wants a relationship with his daughter and make sure his daughter doesn't inherit his wife's crippling anxiety."
Another commenter noted that Spirited_Block_6783's wife was "harassing and abusing the day care workers."
"You both need to be in counseling together," said a Reddit user named "Sandmint."
"This isn't healthy or livable and she likely needs more than just talk therapy."
Christine Rousselle is a lifestyle reporter with Fox News Digital.
