Woman seeks advice about her wedding dilemma as others note the 'red flags'
A man who makes a bride-to-be feel "incredibly uncomfortable" is presenting problems for a couple who are about to be married — and others are weighing in with insights for the young woman who shared her story on Reddit in the hope of receiving smart advice.
"My fiancé wants to have his older cousin, who I have absolutely no respect for, in our wedding party," wrote a user named "Beautiful_Risk1824" this week on the subreddit known as "Wedding Drama."
"This cousin is in an extremely toxic and unhealthy relationship," the woman went on, "and his on-again-off-again wife isn’t even invited to the wedding."
She added, "He is 10 years older than my fiancé — and for my fiancé’s 13th birthday, he took my fiancé to a strip club, which is absolutely repulsive to me … THIRTEEN!"
She went on to reveal something else that happened.
A bride-to-be said she does not want her husband's older cousin to be part of their wedding. "He is 10 years older than my fiancé — and for my fiancé’s 13th birthday," she wrote, "he took my fiancé to a strip club, which is absolutely repulsive to me … THIRTEEN!" (iStock)
"Once he walked in on me while I was naked and he didn’t turn walk out or turn his head or apologize or anything … just stared at me as I ran out of the room."
Added the bride-to-be, "This guy has very loose morals and has been a horrible ‘role model’ my fiancé’s entire life — but because he’s family my fiancé is blind to that."
"Now is the time to find solutions before things become problems."
She noted, "I feel incredibly uncomfortable around this guy and I really don’t want him to play an intimate role on the biggest day of our lives."
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She then posed a "seeking advice" query to others on the platform: "How can I talk to my fiancé about not having this person in our wedding?"
Fox News Digital reached out to a psychologist for professional insights into the situation.
"Often when two people are getting married, there are friends or family from each other’s side who represents a part of their respective lives and history that the other doesn’t agree with or isn’t a part of," said Dr. Jayme Albin, PhD, a New York-based clinical psychologist.
A woman about to be married does not want the older cousin of her husband-to-be to participate in the wedding party. "I really don’t want him to play an intimate role on the biggest day of our lives," she told others. (iStock)
"In this case, the bride wants to disinvite her partner's relative who represents a part of his history. She needs to tread lightly because the day and the marriage are not just about her — and clearly this cousin means something to her fiancé."
Dr. Albin added, "It’s likely that she’s making a bigger deal about this cousin's presence than any of the other guests would."
Her professional advice: "I would suggest trying to get a better understanding of what this cousin means to her fiancé before she’s so quick to interfere."
Most commenters were sympathetic to the bride-to-be.
"What else has happened that you are unaware of?"
Wrote one person to the young woman, "Maybe talk to your fiancé and let him know how uncomfortable you are about [the] cousin having such an intimate role in the wedding."
This responder also said, "It sounds like you’re early in the planning phase if he hasn’t asked cousin yet. Now is the time to find solutions before things become problems."
The same responder also said, "You can adjust the size of the wedding party, let cousin be ‘flower guy,’ or find some other job for him to do."
"How your fiancé reacts when you present this request will say a lot about how you will be treated/valued if you do marry him," said one commenter. (iStock)
Another commenter was far more blunt.
"I couldn’t marry this guy. Way too many red flags," said a commenter by the name of "lilyofthevalley2659."
"Thinks going to a strip club at 13 is OK. Did nothing when his cousin stared at his naked fiancée and still thinks the cousin is great even though he traumatized his fiancée," this commenter wrote.
"And let’s not forget he wants to give the cousin an important role in the wedding to his fiancée that he allowed to be traumatized," the same person added.
"Weddings have become too fussy. Everyone is striving to make it this perfect day."
Yet another commenter brought up the long game.
"How your fiancé reacts when you present this request will say a lot about how you will be treated/valued if you do marry him," this commenter wrote.
"I think his great affection toward his cousin after he introduced him to a strip club at age 13 is a big red flag," said this same commenter.
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"What else has happened that you are unaware of?" said this same responder.
"You can't trust that pervert. He has too much influence over your fiancé and I'm afraid he will be resistant to your request."
The commenter finished with, "If so, run in the other direction! You can't trust perverted cousin around any future children you may have."
After a bride-to-be shared her worry about the older cousin of her groom-to-be joining the wedding party, one commenter wrote, "The best choice is just to accept it, and understand that it’s only for one day. A few hours." (iStock)
Someone else shared a slightly different perspective.
"Weddings have become too fussy. Everyone is striving to make it this perfect day. It’s just about impossible to make a day perfect even when everyone does exactly what they’re supposed to," a commenter with the username "Okwithmelovinglife" shared.
This commenter added, "Talk to your fiancé. If he insists, then you have a few choices."
The person went on, "The best choice is just to accept it, and understand that it’s only for one day. A few hours."
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Then, "Second choice is to consider making the wedding smaller altogether. Fewer bridesmaids. Fewer groomsmen. As in, ‘I’ll cut 2 of my bridesmaids if you’ll cut the older cousin and one other.’"
Third choice, wrote this commenter, is to "elope" and maybe just invite the parents.
And the "fourth choice," wrote this same commenter, is to "cancel the engagement, find a different groom and start over. Because this cousin will probably be in your life permanently."
So, the person concluded, "start dealing with it now or bail out while you can."
Maureen Mackey is managing editor of lifestyle for Fox News Digital.
