Originally published via Armageddon Prose:
This Xmas Eve, the miracle I’m praying for is that the sacred English language of my forefathers survives, somehow, rabid DEI labradoodle Karine Jean-Pierre’s years-long jihad against it until she retires from the podium on January 20th and takes her new job directing Equity™ courses at Google as its newest Diversity™ mascot — or whatever she’s going to do for money next that doesn’t involve any honest work.
In a vicious pre-Christmas display of disregard for the grammatical rules of her adopted language — she being a Haitian immigrant, as well as a lesbian and Person of Color™, rendering her a Social Justice™ trifecta — Karine mutilated sentences to such a degree that even the world’s hardest-working transcriptionist couldn’t clean up the mess in the official record.
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Things got off to a rocky start when Karine added a gratuitous “r” to the Italian president’s name before calling Giorgia Meloni, the Italian Prime Minister, “Meleni” and devolved from there.
Note with horror the voluminous insertion of hyphens in a vain attempt to put Karine’s Humpty Dumpty talking points back to together again.
Related: KJP vs. English: White House Diversity Hire's Reading Problem
Via Whitehouse.gov (emphasis added):
“So, as we announced yesterday, the president will travel to Rome, Italy, in early January to meet separately with His Holiness Pope Francis; president of Italy, Sergio Marttarella [Mattarella]; and prime minister of Italy Meleni — Meloni, pardon me — Giorgia Meloni…
Switching gears just for a second here. Today, President Biden announced student debt cancelation for another 55,000 public service — public service workers, bringing the total number in- — of individuals who have been approved for student debt relief under his administration to nearly 5 million people.
The pe- — the people approved for debts cancelation today include teachers, nurses, service members, law enforcement officials, and other public service workers who have dedicated their lives to giving back to their communities and who are finally earning the relief they are entitled to under the law…
And finally, yesterday, U.S. Customs and Border Protection published their November 2024 data, which shows that since President Biden’s — announced new executive actions to secure the border on June 4th, unlawful border crossing have dropped by more than 60 percent. That’s the lowest levels in four and a half years…
Republican needs to stop playing politics with a government shutdown. And they are doing the bidding — they’re doing the bil- — bidding of their billionaire friends — that’s what we’re seeing — at the expense of hardworking Americans.
And just to quote you something that we saw today, and I’m sure you all saw from the poach- — Punchbowl News, which is, and I quote, “This has been an absolute disastrous week for the speaker; the president-elect, Donald Trump; and Republicans on — on Capitol Hill.”…
And let’s not forget, we’re ta- — not just — when we talk about keeping the government opening — open, we’re talking about providing fu- — funds for disasters — disaster recovery efforts, loweri- — to lower costs of prescription drugs. That’s what we’re talking about.”
All the king’s horses, and all the king’s…
You know the thing.
Ben Bartee is an independent Bangkok-based American journalist with opposable thumbs.
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