GREG GUTFELD: No wonder Democrats are sweating

All right, so stop me if you've heard this one before. The Department of Justice and the FBI just announced another investigation of Russian influence in American presidential politics. The DOJ charged two Russian employees of RT, the Russia-state-run media outlet, with funding a $10 million scheme to push right-wing viewpoints and help Donald Trump get elected. 

The DOJ seized 32 internet domains that they say mimicked legit U.S. news outlets, all to spread disinformation. So what was that disinformation? Well, it was "unaffordable prices for food and goods," that DEI might be bad, and that crime committed by illegals is happening. Now hold on a second. Those topics sound kind of familiar. It's like the stuff we talk about. How convenient is that for our weaponized justice system? Every single issue we cover can now be chalked up to Russian disinfo. At least they left out the restful benefits of Relaxium. 

So Russia paid $10 million bucks for stuff you could have gotten from me for free. Well, I would have only charged seven. $10 million is actually a pay cut, I kid, but trust me, $10 million bucks isn't much on TV. Fox spends that every week on hair and makeup. It was $20, but then Geraldo left. They actually hired a migrant crew just to landscape his mustache. But sorry, guys, hate to break it to you. It isn't Russia destroying our faith in government, it's our government telling us that Trump can't be president because Moscow prefers him to Kamala. I know, Russia doesn't want Kamala. Even the people who embraced Karl Marx think Kamala is too much of a Marxist. That's like The View saying a Big Mac is too high in calories. 

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Look, I don't want any foreign state interfering in our elections, but my dog's Instagram has more influence. One fake social media account, alleged to have spread Russian lies, had only seven followers. It was called CNN California. Yeah, but with only seven followers. Seems pretty accurate. Meanwhile, notice what meddling evildoer wasn't the target of any indictments. Iran, who hacked Trump's campaign, funded protest groups that took over American colleges and sponsored Hamas, which killed U.S. citizens. I mean, why target Russia, not Iran?

Iran tried to kill Donald Trump. Well, I guess some questions answer themselves. Meanwhile, China's assets drive around Democrat senators. They screw Democrat congressmen like Eric Swalwell. He smells, and they get themselves on the staff of New York governors. I guess the problem with Chinese influence is that an hour later, Democrats are hungry for more.

Yeah, I'll take it. Although the hard part for China is finding a spy willing to stomach Swalwell's farts or look at Hochul's face. So what is the difference between whatever this is and whatever the U.S. does on our own? Well, we do more damage to our citizens. Seriously, did Russia cover up Joe's dementia for four years? Did Russia exercise a silent coup once Joe's illness was exposed? 

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Did Russia push mail-in voting and no voter ID, completely destroying exit polling as a way to gauge a fair election? Did Russia push voting machines over paper ballots? Did Russia force RFK Jr. to stay on the ballot against his will in the hopes it hurt Trump? Did Russia paint Trump as Hitler and push hoaxes that put a target on his back? Did Russia elevate the only Democrat on earth who makes you miss Joe Biden? And did Russia, in the worst interference of all, weaponize our justice system in a perversion called lawfare, all to a cheering American media? 

Damn. I'll take foreign interference over this domestic s--- any day. Now, maybe that's why the Dems are sweating even when it comes to cheating. They hate competition.

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of Gutfeld! (weeknights, 11PM-12AM/ET) and co-host of cable news’ highest-rated program The Five (weekdays, 5-6PM/ET).