GREG GUTFELD: We don't need a weatherman to say that this all blows

Happy Wednesday, everybody. So President Biden's interview with the Weather Channel aired today. I know. And the forecast was partly senile with the chance of precipitation in his pants. The only things cloudy were Joe's memories, especially when it came to phone calls with Hunter's business associates. The one thing he didn't forget? How to touch someone without their permission.

METEOROLOGIST STEPHANIE ABRAMS: Are you prepared to declare a national emergency with respect to climate change? 

PRESIDENT BIDEN: I've already done that. It is the existential threat to humanity

ABRAMS: So you've already declared that national emergency?

BIDEN: Well... You've got a bug on you. 

ABRAMS: Oh, thanks. Appreciate it. 

That's the first time any woman has said "appreciate it" after making contact with Joe. But if he's really concerned about the climate, you know what he should have done? He should have eaten that bug. The tasty, but tiny carbon footprint. But it is so cute. It reminds me of how Joe is always brushing the cocaine off Hunter's lapels and also how he was raised in a town called Claymont, Delaware. 

Meteorologist Stephanie Abrams interviews President Biden.  ((Screengrab/ Gutfeld!))

BIDEN: I was raised in a town called Claymont, Delaware. When you got up in the morning, my mother would drive us to a little Catholic school we went to about two-quarters of a mile up the Philadelphia pike, the first day of Frost to turn on the windshield wiper, there'd be an oil slick. Higher cancer rates than almost anywhere in America.

Yes. That infamous oil cancer. I believe you get it from corn pop. But, hey, it's like mom used to say, "out of everything bad, something good will come. If you look hard enough for it."

JOE BIDEN LETTER TO DEVON ARCHER UNDERSCORES HIS CLOSENESS TO HUNTER BIDEN'S BUSINESS ACTIVITIES

BIDEN: My mom used to say. Out of everything bad, something good will come if you look hard enough for it. There's an enormous opportunity. We're growing the economy. We're in fact... But it's not enough for us to do. We have to change the whole world's attitude. And right now, Russia and China are very, very difficult partners. 

Oh, they sure are. I mean, they actually want to know what Hunter does to get all that money. Apparently, they don't understand what a shakedown is. And I don't mean when Joe can't shut off the pee after a trip to the men's room. We've all been there. But talk about timing. He's doing the Weather Channel after all those conversations with Burisma over the weather. If I didn't know any better, I'd think the Biden family is trolling the Republicans. You know 'Oh, those phone calls to me during meetings with Hunter's business associates? That's just about the weather. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to the Weather Channel.' But it makes sense. Hunter's always making it rain around the strippers and there's always a strong wind coming out of Joe's ass. Which raises a question. Has anyone ever noticed that while Joe complains about fossil fuels and climate change, his son Hunter and brother Jim are cutting oil deals with any foreigner who shows up with a sack of cash? For the world itself, carbon's a threat. But for the Biden bank account, it's a necessity. And for the media, they see no discrepancy.

Joe and Hunter Biden. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik)

But it seems as the facts spill out about the Biden crime family, the Dems are squirming like my pet dolphins during our afternoon naps. Democrat Jamie Raskin, who led one impeachment against Trump, now claims to support investigating Hunter. But that would also be supporting prosecutor David Weiss, who offered Hunter the most lopsided deal since we stole Manhattan Island from the Indians. By the way, do you think they'd take it back? What if we threw in San Francisco? It's worth a shot. Meanwhile, the DOJ and FBI are now the Democrats' rent-a-cops mall security for the swamp. Take Special Agent Elvis Chan. Allegedly, he lied under oath about whether the FBI knew Hunter's laptop was genuine. Chan said last year that he had no internal knowledge of that investigation when questioned under oath. But then Congress just found emails from 2020 in which Chan wrote that he was "up to speed" on the case and that there was no current evidence to suggest any foreign connection. Of course, both Facebook and pre-Elon Twitter blocked sharing the Hunter Lab laptop story at the time, calling it misinformation. And we know how many Americans say they wouldn't have voted for Joe in this close election had they known the laptop was real. 

Add it up and that's interference that happens way before you get to the ballot box. There are so many other examples of this s***. It's no wonder Trump and many others assume foul play. It's like I said at the start, if you believe that the guy is Hitler, why wouldn't you cheat? They hid Hunter's laptop when they knew it was real a year before the story broke. They suppressed free speech on social media. And there's Crossfire Hurricane, the yearslong investigation of Trump's involvement with Russians. Turns out it was as real as Joe Mackie's Canadian girlfriend. So is it any wonder that Donald Trump and even Ron DeSantis recently said that Trump could never get a fair trial in D.C., which of course, could only mean one thing... Racist. The Washington Post, once a newspaper, but now the most popular blanket among hobos tweeted this. "Former President Donald Trump and Governor Ron DeSantis argued Trump would not get a fair trial in the 'Swamp,' adding to a history intertwined with race and partisan politics." 

President Joe Biden, former President Donald Trump, and Governor Ron Desantis (R-FL)

In other words, the swampy media are so desperate to bury Trump, they can't let that case move out of DC. Meanwhile, the Bidens roll merrily along with Dems wondering whether they'll get away with it. There's the weather again. It's always whether or not they lied, whether or not they bribed, whether or not they moved cash from here to there. But for the rest of us, we don't need a weatherman to say that it all blows. 

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Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of Gutfeld! (weeknights, 11PM-12AM/ET) and co-host of cable news’ highest-rated program The Five (weekdays, 5-6PM/ET).