The left has been eager to shame so-called toxic masculinity. Now is the time for a conversation about what it means to be a man
Without fear of cancelation or professional retribution, and in the wake of the left’s attempts to shame masculinity, it’s time to have a national conversation about what it means to be a man.
In our recent collective acknowledgment of biological reality and general return to common sense, we overwhelmingly agree that men should not win the Women of the Year award, enter women’s facilities, play women’s sports, or place in women’s beauty pageants. And in case anyone ever had a doubt, men cannot menstruate or become pregnant. What men cannot and should not do is abundantly clear, which begs the question, what should they do? Here’s what I tell my three sons:
1. Do the right thing
In May 2024, we watched the media coverage as young men from Pi Kappa Phi protected the American flag at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill when lunatics tried to desecrate it. During those moments, I explained to my sons that those were real men who were protecting the flag, representing the principles that their father, uncle, grandfather, and great-grandfathers fought to uphold. Masculine men do the right thing, including making sacrifices for their country, even when doing so is unpopular and potentially dangerous.
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Before COVID, I did not speak about politics in front of my sons, but took them to the polling station to show them that voting is an important civic responsibility. Leftist policies such as school closures, mask mandates, mandated pronouns, and confusing lessons on racial hierarchies brought politics directly to our nation’s children in their schools.
2. Be a team player and understand leadership
Masculine men are willing to go against the grain to stand by their principles and lead, not necessarily by issuing orders from the front, but also in supportive ways that bring out the best in others around them.
Boys are faced with adversity and given multiple opportunities to stand for their beliefs long before they become men. It’s never too early to practice doing the right thing.
Family is the ultimate team and fathers have a critically important leadership role. Television characters, such as Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, and Phil Dunphy, who portray fathers as stupid, immoral, and/or worthless, have too long diminished men’s role in the family. Sports teams provide teachable moments about leadership that boys can carry into fatherhood.
3. Know how to take a punch
Sports teams, for example, teach boys how to take a punch, both literally and metaphorically. While observing my father and husband, two masculine men whom I deeply admire, I’ve noted that being a man involves knowing how to deal with physical pain. When my sons get tackled on the football field or hacked with a lacrosse stick, they are learning that staying clear-minded while in pain yields better outcomes.
When my sons get tackled on the football field or hacked with a lacrosse stick, they are learning that staying clear-minded while in pain yields better outcomes. (Grant Halverson/NCAA Photos via Getty Images)
I also tell my sons that when they take a metaphorical punch, which often happens in sports with devastating losses or poor performance in games, it’s important to learn from it and then move on. My husband, who has coached many of their teams, often says, "What does the best athlete have? A short memory."
4. Make money
Men should be the best providers they can possibly be. When my former colleague’s wife was expecting their first child, he asked a senior official during a lunch meeting if he had any advice for a young father. The man responded simply, "Make money." I thought that was hilarious until having children of my own, at which point I realized he was quite serious and had given my colleague excellent fundamental advice.
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With this in mind, I tell my sons, "You can be anything you want to be, any kind of engineer or tradesman you choose to be." I am just joking. Kind of. Their future college education or training comes with the expectation that it will yield skills and knowledge that will enable them to earn money and be successful providers for their families.
Family is the ultimate team and fathers have a critically important leadership role. (iStock)
5. Show courtesy
Last but not least, follow the Golden Rule. Masculinity is about showing courtesy, not by placing a lame "Be kind" sign in the yard type of way, but genuinely. In daily habits or disputes, one rarely, if ever, regrets taking the high road. Being chivalrous by holding open doors, offering a jacket to a date, being respectful, and allowing women to walk into a restaurant or out of an elevator first are important aspects of masculinity that continue to be very much appreciated.
Contrary to the underlying message from the "Barbie" movie, there is an essential role for masculine men in our society. Podcasters, such as Joe Rogan, understand the need for conversations about masculinity and the important role that men play in the family and in the nation, which is likely why they are so popular and why my sons enjoy listening to their content.
Podcasters, such as Joe Rogan, understand the need for conversations about masculinity and the important role that men play in the family and in the nation. (Spotify/Joe Rogan Experience)
In addition to all the issues I discuss with my sons about what being a man entails, there is little if anything that is as valuable as the example their father provides them. When I was pregnant with my first son, I planned to return to my job as a political analyst and speechwriter when he was three months old. While holding him in my arms just a few hours after he was born, plans changed. I swiftly informed my husband that he needed to find a way to earn more money to make up for my lost salary, so I could stay home with our children. Despite his initial shock at my maternal epiphanies, he did just that.
At that point, it became crystal clear to me that being a real man, in part, means understanding and doing what your family needs. In their father, my sons see a man who always puts his family first.
Stephanie Lundquist-Arora is a contributor for The Federalist and the Washington Examiner. An author and mother of three, she lives in Fairfax County, Va., where she serves as the Fairfax chapter leader of the Independent Women’s Network.
