Nolte: Study Shows Paper Straws More Harmful to Planet than Plastic

In today’s chapter of… Everything Environmentalists Tell Us Is Wrong … and I do mean … wrong … we will look at how paper straws do more damage to the planet than plastic straws.

Remember all that empty-headed virtue-signaling over freaken straws in 2018?

Paper straws are good!

Paper straws are virtuous!

Unless they are used to suck out the remains of a dead baby after an abortion, plastic straws are eeeevil.

Only Nazis use plastic straws … said celebrities, politicians, and media elites.

Yes, all of a sudden, and from out of nowhere, plastic straws became the Biggest Threat To Mother Earth Ever. This was one of those nonsense narratives schemed over in secret conference calls among the top one percent coordinated to hit America like a Blitzkrieg. No time for debate. No time to use science to justify the New Good Thing. It was this simple: bad people use plastic straws, and good people use paper straws.

Remember how USA Today, CNN, the Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, Fox News, and the New York Times screamed out headlines about how America uses 500 million plastic straws per day—500 million—per day! The source for this number was a literal fourth grader, but let’s not let sourcing get in the way of a good narrative.

Remember how Democrat-run California banned plastic straws and wanted to imprison waiters who offer people plastic straws?

Remember how Her Vice Fraudulency Kamala “DumDum” Harris called for a national ban on plastic straws?

Remember how Democrat-run Washington DC banned plastic straws?

Meanwhile, these same Democrat-run cities have no problem passing out plastic hypodermic needles to junkies.

Anyway, guess what…? Yes, the inevitable has arrived. These fascist liars are wrong again—and I do mean … again.

You’re gonna love this…

“Straws made from plant-based materials, such as paper and bamboo, are often advertised as being more sustainable and eco-friendly than those made from plastic,” Thimo Groffen, PhD, author of the study and an environmental scientist at the University of Antwerp, said in a press release. “However, the presence of PFAS in these straws means that’s not necessarily true.”

Researchers on the study examined 39 brands of straws in Belgium from supermarkets, toy stores, fast-food chains, drug stores, and e-commerce stores. The straws were either made of paper, bamboo, glass, stainless steel, or plastic, and the researchers tested each brand for concentrations of PFAS. Sixty-nine percent of the brands contained PFAS, with paper straws more likely to contain the chemicals. The researchers found 90% of paper straws had PFAS, compared to 80% of bamboo straws, 75% of plastic straws, and 40% of glass straws. Further, a paper straw brand was the brand with the highest PFAS concentration.

*throws head back, laughs, burns tire under baby bird nest*

I don’t care about any of this environmental stuff. I don’t litter. I’m kind to animals. I leave things as I found them. Other than that, no.

Recycling? No way. I’m no sucker. Everything comes from the Earth. And despite repeated requests, no one can explain to me how putting back in Mother Earth what came from Mother Earth harms Mother Earth. Recycling is stupid. Sure, you can make the planet less inhabitable for human beings by electing Democrats to run your city or manage your forest, but all these chemicals and whatnot come from the Earth, so what’s the big deal putting them back where they came from?

Back to the straws… How many times will America’s idiots fall for these lies?

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA – MARCH 28: Paper straws are displayed at the 2023 Bar & Restaurant Expo and World Tea Expo at the Las Vegas Convention Center on March 28, 2023 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Bryan Steffy/Getty Images for Nightclub & Bar Media Group)

These “experts” are 0-53 with their predictions.

Who trusts someone who is 0-53, who has been wrong 53 times and correct zero times?

I would never use a paper straw because paper straws are stupid and inconvenient and have a taste. After 2018, I also used plastic straws because it was an easy way to feel like an outlaw.

But now that we’re being told not to use paper straws, I might use them.

You see, I’m an American, and that’s how Americans roll.

Follow John Nolte on Twitter @NolteNC. Follow his Facebook Page here.