The Disney Grooming Syndicate’s Star Wars streaming series Ahsoka died with a whimper last week. According to the latest number, its season finale attracted only 575 million streaming minutes.
Bounding Into Comics points out that it is 99 million fewer minutes than the season finale of the Star Wars streaming series Andor, which was itself not a big hit with viewers. That means that out of over 150 million Disney+ worldwide subscribers, fewer than 12 million tuned in. Obviously, because streaming series remain available, that number will increase, but this is as close as anyone can come to an apples-to-apples comparison. To hide their flops from stockholders, all streaming services make it difficult to pinpoint a true number.
One thing we do know is that Ahsoka ended with a whimper in the cultural zeitgeist. No one’s talking about this show. No one cares. It’s just one more piece of Star Wars crap on LucasFilm president Kathleen Kennedy’s never-ending shit show.
Marvel and Star Wars, two of the most valuable film properties in Hollywood history (before Disney woke-raped them), were supposed to soar Disney’s new streaming service, Disney+, into the stratosphere. How could it go wrong? How could this be anything but a success? Everyone loves Marvel. Everyone loves Star Wars. Everyone loves Disney. But rather than create entertaining shows, Disney chose to abuse those two golden geese to pump out social justice-themed garbage. “Identity” triumphed over compelling themes and intelligent plotting. Instead of casting a storytelling spell, Disney thought it could hold us with applause moment. Look, a woman in charge! Clap-clap-clap! Look, brown people! Clap-clap-clap! Look, homosexuals! Clap-clap-clap! Look, a guy wearing a dress and a full beard! Clap-clap-clap!
Fast-forward to today, and Disney+ is losing millions of subscribers and billions of dollars, and John Nolte could not be happier.
Who was the audience for Ahsoka? Seriously. Where was all the panting for Ahsoka that Disney likely dropped a hundred or two hundred million into these eight episodes that attracted about as many viewers as Wheel of Fortune? And I like Rosario Dawson, the actress who plays the title character. But everything I like about her was hidden under a ton of makeup. Dawson is charismatic, sexy, womanly, appealing, and has a real sense of fun about her. Why do you think Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) chose her for his beard? But Disney+
John Nolte’s debut novel Borrowed Time (Bombardier Books) is available today. You can read an exclusive excerpt here, and a review of the novel here.
