Man said his wife, who does not work outside the home, was upset with him that their house was messy — therapist weighed in
A Reddit user who was fed up with his wife's sudden reluctance to do chores is perfectly within his rights to feel that way — although an expert told Fox News Digital that the problems may have a deeper cause.
"AITA for telling my wife to do her chores?" asked Reddit user "Anteater1500" in a post on Saturday, May 4, on Reddit's popular "Am I the A--hole" (AITA) subreddit.
In his post, he revealed that he is 24 years old and has been married to his 26-year-old wife for the last four years.
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"I work a consultant-type job, which requires me to have periods [of] roughly a month where I work ~70 hours a week," wrote Anteater1500.
Right now, he is in one of those periods, he said.
The Reddit user said he told his wife (not pictured) to do her chores after she told him she was overwhelmed by how messy the house was getting.
Typically the two split the household chores, with his wife doing more, as the couple does not have children nor does she have a job, the man said.
"But in weeks like this, I do less to none because 10 hours a day (no weekends) of mostly standing/moving about means that when I get home I usually collapse on the couch and then do some prep for tomorrow," said Anteater1500.
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Lately, however, the man's wife has not being doing "even 50%" of the household chores, which he said is "fine for a bit."
"We all have our ups and downs, and I've never had an issue with a messy house. I've been microwaving some frozen stuff/not eating for dinner," he said.
His wife, however, came to him saying she's "feeling overwhelmed with all the mess in the house" — and asked him to help out more with chores.
"I'm not in the house for 12-ish hours including commute and lunch break, so I don't really care how the house looks," said Anteater1500. "I told her if she wanted the house to be clean she could just do her chores."
This, however, did not go over well with his wife.
The Reddit user said he has been working 10-hour days with no weekends, and his wife has not been doing her normal household chores. Yet she was upset with him that the house was a mess, he said. (iStock)
"She went tightlipped and told me she'd let that go because I was under a lot of stress. I went to sleep soon after and got up [at] 6 and left for work at 7:30 before she woke up," he said.
A few hours into the workday, he received a text from his wife saying she was disappointed with his reaction to her saying she needed help.
"I'm doing my job. Is it so unfair to expect her to do hers?"
"I get that she's stressed. I do," he said. "But I'm doing my job. Is it so unfair to expect her to do hers?"
In a follow-up comment, Anteater1500 wrote that he's continued to put dishes in the dishwasher, throw things away, and put his laundry in the laundry basket — and that he normally does his own laundry when he is not having a stressful work period.
Fox News Digital reached out to Anteater1500 for any updates.
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A therapist told Fox News Digital on Saturday that the wife's reluctance to do household cleaning may have a deeper cause than just being "overwhelmed."
"It appears there’s an underlying issue within their relationship," Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, told Fox News Digital via email.
"She might be growing resentful of his absence or lack of attention, expressing it through neglecting chores to grab his notice, signaling that something’s amiss."
The Reddit user and his wife (not pictured) typically split their chore load 60-40, he said, with his wife doing more around the house, as she does not have a job outside the house. (iStock)
It is "understandable" for the husband to expect his wife to do more chores during his busy period, she said — but "it’s important for him to initiate a conversation to understand why she’s not contributing as much."
Goldberg added, "They need to discuss how to address the situation together and he can emphasize the importance of equal partnership."
She continued, "It’s about finding solutions that work for both of them, whether it’s increasing her chore responsibilities or exploring other avenues like employment."
"It’s about finding solutions that work for both of them, whether it’s increasing her chore responsibilities or exploring other avenues like employment."
Reddit users largely agreed with the therapist, saying that while Anteater1500 is not wrong to want his wife to take care of her responsibilies, it seems as though something else is underfoot.
On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate the poster is "NTA" ("Not the A--hole"), "YTA" ("You're the A--hole"), "NAH" ("No A--holes Here") or "ESH" ("Everyone Sucks Here").
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Users can "upvote" responses they think are helpful and "downvote" ones that are not.
Most of the nearly 600 responses to the post so far said that Anteater1500 was NTA — but that he needed to figure out what was going on for the sake of his marriage.
"When one partner is working and the other is not, it's fair that the unemployed partner take care of a supermajority of household upkeep. I'm assuming that your wife is not going to school or starting a business, because you would have mentioned it," wrote user "ClackmasLivesMatter" in the top-upvoted response.
Reddit users largely said that Anteater1500 was not wrong to tell his wife to do chores around the house, since that was their agreement — but that something deeper might be going on with her. (iStock)
The same user continued, "This begs the question of what exactly your wife is doing for 10-12+ hours a day while you're working."
The same commenter added, "If you can't sort this out by talking, marriage counseling is probably in order."
In another top comment, "Fancy_Cheek_4790" wrote, "I can’t imagine that two adults make that big of a mess. I’d be curious as to what’s going on with her. Is she resentful, angry, depressed, lonely, etc."
"I can’t imagine that two adults make that big of a mess."
One user had an alternate suggestion: The wife should get a job so the couple can hire a housekeeper.
"There is a simple solution. If she doesn’t want to do housework, then suggest she gets a full-time job and you can use some of the extra money to pay someone else to do it," said user "chez2202."
"Not only does she get to not clean, but someone else who needs a job gets employment," said chezz2202. It's a "win-win-win for three people."
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Christine Rousselle is a lifestyle reporter with Fox News Digital.
